Birds of a Feather don’t Always Flock Together
Such is the science of love sex and attraction, when the going gets tough the tough get going. A plethora of mind bending twists and turns with heightened drama after the biggest unexpected REVELATIONS … which set the adrenaline hitting its peak after several of the males voiced their intense anger and fury of their partners cheating and betrayal.
Lets kick off with Tasha and Andrews well developed romance and love bonding, tears have flowed as our lovely Tasha had felt low self worth and lacking in self confidence due to the voters ratings. However the positives in her relationship with Andrew show the reality of love psychology in that pure love never runs smoothly, and now we were seeing rekindled love as she builds up her emotional resilience to build on the positives in their relationship in which Tasha will feel internally psychologically secure with Andrew once the show is over. The more mature Andrew .. no saint by the way.. reacts calmly as he views Tasha with “Billy the Flirt” video segment. This psychological tactic is to convince Tasha that in their potential serious relationship outside Love Island, he will remain calm when if love storms come their way, she will be secure with her Andy. Luca was the mastermind of the cheating game and became the “Mr Motivator “ of his male islanders to engage in two and three timing their partners.
Luca is the Circus Master of ceremonies after the Love island stud Adam Collard became the “snatcher catcher” with his roving eye settled on Paige. Over the past few weeks viewers were all eyes for the budding Luca with Gemma coupling up day and night , what a feast of unadulterated love and passion and perhaps a future son in law for celebrity dad Michael and Gemma’s mum. Here is a case of reciprocal love as they seem to have the essential ingredients of rewards and satisfaction. The special date by the beach and sunset on the horizon sealed their love for the future…. How could Luca, never mind Gemma, be so smooth and ultra cool when subconsciously they knew the movie night may be not only revealing but emotionally overwhelming , and it certainly was. This was a case of not only one Red Flag but many. As a celebrity and reality TV psychologist I could see the collective anxiety and stress among the girls and guys as they obliviously ate their popcorn faces In anguish , smothered in guilt feelings and reactions . Here comes the train crash segment when Luca almost choked with fury at seeing his stunning Gemma the “love of his life” in bed with Billy Brown.. Off stage immediately Billy before your in the Boxing ring with the fishmonger. In fact, according to the laws of attraction birds of a feather don’t always flock together as opposites also attract according to psychological research. Billy genuinely did see Gemma being on his radar for many months ahead and showed all the love signals of wanting to go beyond flirting with Gemma., who discounted it as “just flirting “. Luca was having none of this betrayal.
A more indepth analysis of Luca’s social behaviour and dynamics with Gemma reflects some of the core traits of gaslighting and guilt tripping her. His seemingly narcissistic outbursts and uncontrollable rage demonstrates a primitive method of protecting that which he loves. It was to defend himself against loss of face and feelings of shame. In his “gaslighting “we see also in Davide, the angry beast, who comes at his partner with an emotional response that is way out in proportion to the situation which may be innocuous, and which the males are trying to defend. This is the reason that gaslighters never admit to the truth even if they are cheaters. The aim of Luca and Davide was to challenge their established partners to question their own behaviour. Luca had established affection and trust with Gemma as had Davide with Ekin-Su, and here I could see the love bombing which can be overwhelming but with good intention. Flattery attention compliments are all seen in both of their romance tactics with Gemma and Ekin Su. Love bombing is to establish psychological trust empathy and even though overwhelming, both guys realize this is the highest rating dating show on TV and a once in a lifetime opportunity to demonstrate their love and affection to millions around the world of their intentions and trust. This is no mean feat as each contestant has to grasp with their natural emotional functioning and at the same time be fully aware of the round the clock exposure of their romance anyone else keeps relatively private .
Ekin -Su our star Turkish actress knows how to snag her man and oozes all the sensuality of a harem in her magnetic eyegazing and smiles of trust and affectionado with Italian Davide. With glowing white teeth like a piano keyboard she is very conscious of her self demeanour and glamour. She is out to win Love Island 2022. But wait for it.. may the truth reveal another side of her love intentions. David blew his mind like an erupting volcano with his muscles playing a rapturous overture like Handels Music for the Royal Fireworks in D major as he witnessed her bedroom antics with George. How could she betray the love of her life her Italian entrepreneur with his fountain of love showed upon hr day and night> She claimed it was “her worst nightmare” and rightly so as she was conscious emotionally that this was not a Majorcan under the moon picnic. Davide knew what went on as his attributions became clarified, and she knew it was unintentional intimacy and she also felt it was justified as the girls all knew their partners would most likely cheat on them when exposed to knew bombshells. Wow such intrigue as we now ponder if is possible for any of our couples to be a winner
Dami and Indiyah are destined for a very explosive split soon following the movie night drama and revelations . Even though he’s back with Indiyah Polack all is not what it seems to be. In a healthy love relationship honesty is the best policy but how many of us can claim unwavering trust honesty and fidelity? Probably none. Dami allowed his emotional regulation to get out of control as he couldn’t resist Summer nor the temptation and then began to make positive attributions towards charming the heart mind and soul out of her. This is where the pain sets in once all is exposed after the best producer psychological tactic ever created. The Movie night. In his self disclosure with Indiyah he was manipulative in that he didn’t disclose the full truth of what he and she did in Indiyay’s absence His cheating is never going to be accepted by Indiyah. Her personal identity has been jeopardized as has any sense of loyalty and relationship cohesion..
Dami is about to get his passport to freedom and also his P45. Indiyah deserves better and will neve forgive Dami for his betrayal. What Im seeing again is his apparent gaslighting of summer calling her “fake” and demeaning her self worth. His motives were deliberate as he wanted to play cat and mouse games emotionally with Summer at the expense of losing Indiyah. He wants both and shows his emotional instability and immaturity.
You might ask whats in the psychology of cheaters like those in the Villa? First of all is what we call Fear Conflict. Cheaters consistently have fear of exposure so become high risk takers. Always lying to their partner and bit on the side. Some might have courage to reveal their vulnerablity to temptation but most do not. For many its easier being caught as they then justify their actions as attributed to boredom or incompatibility.
Many simply want just sex with no emotional connection, even though the deception sets in with persistent lying. There is no intimacy involved and no boundaries. Many cheaters feel entitled to use their power and control. They feel they can do as they wish as its acceptable in society as a norm. They have a need to control others emotionally and sexually. Psychological research confirms that a high proportion are serial or repeated cheaters with a high need for attention as they have low self esteem and self worth. The ego boost comes when the other woman, like Summer begins to show love affection and potential for a genuine relationship. An element of fantasy is also incorporate in this betrayal scenario.
Love Island does teach their millions of fans about the reality of relationships in a very fast moving contemporary and complex society where norms are disputed and where psychological costs of finding love are expressed, and where we in society may learn the real art of rediscovering genuine love and authenticity. Humans need to trust. Trust allays anxiety helps lift our moods and find real enjoyment with each other. Distrust is fraught with resentment anger and emotional pain. Even though we have witnessed intimate betrayal infidelity fractured love and also power imbalances, nevertheless we have seen the art of romance and positive relationships developing in the villa under the Iberian moonset.
Arthur Cassidy PhD
Celebrity & Reality TV psychologist